ATTN: DR. LOVE

[Nick Lane]

Hello Doctor, let me just tell you that I will pay thrice your hourly rate if you provide me with sucessful advice.* There is a girl (I know, all issues start out like that, right?) Anyway, we have known each other for a number of years and are very close friends. But I am starting to have feelings for this girl (yes, those kind). The problem is I know she doesn't feel the same way about me, plus she is the kind of girl who, if she hears how someone feels but doesn't return the emotion, will allow the relationship to become awkward.

It is worth noting that I am tired of going with the flow, tired of waiting it out. Waiting it out is all I ever do, and then I start coming up with crazy ideas, and I give up, move on, and the whole thing starts over. I want to break away from that, but I don't know how. I thank you in advance for your insightful response to my ridiculous conundrum that makes me feel foolish and as though I am in grade school again. Thank you again.


*Sucessful advice is defined as good advice I am willing to use which produces a satisfactory result.

[Dr. Love]

Thank you for your confidence in my treatment and your willingness to pay thrice my hourly rate. I should warn you though... the clock started ticking the moment you submitted your first post and will not stop ticking until your relationship has been deemed a success or until a divorce is finalized. With that in mind, lets begin.

Before I give any advice I must first know a little more about you both. This information will help bring about a more successful resolution and, also, use up more time so I can bill you for more money.

First of all, do you see each other often and what are the reasons for seeing each other? In other words, do you go to school together or work together or do you just "hang out" as the young people are saying?

If you do goto school or work together, and the feelings are not mutual, then the akward moments will be much more intense since you'll be forced to see each other. This is a risky situation and it might be best to reconsider until after you have graduated or been fired. But if you only "hang out" then the akward moments will be short and far between since they are only dependent on you two and not a pre-defined schedule.

Also, do you have a lot of mutual friends? If your feelings are not welcome and you have mutual friends then, once again, it might be dangerous to proceed. It could cause friction among the group and some of the friends might be forced to choose sides. If you have a lot of money (and your friends are easily bought) then you might be able to buy all the friends and then the woman who scorned you would be left with no friends. This is a different kind of success, but a successful resolution none the less.

As you already said, you're tired of waiting and want to do something about this situation. If you never try then you'll never know. But you must always consider the risks involved. Does the good out-weigh the bad? What is the worst possible scenario, other than her pulling a knife on you? The worst thing that can happen is she says no and you don't remain friends. So are you willing to give up your friendship with her for a chance to be with her? If so then "go for it" as the young kids are saying. If you think she doesn't feel the same way then it might be best to save the friendship and just find someone else as your girlfriend. And who knows, maybe when the girl you like sees you with another girl, she might start liking you more. It's been know to happen. A lot!

Dr. Love

P.S. I only accept cash payments.

[Mus.]

crazy ideas

Like what? Yes, my name is also Dr. Love* and it's important for me to know private stuff about you.



*It's not, I'm the opposite.

[Nick Lane]

Thank you for your replies and I will respond to the inquirieries in the order received.

Dr. Love - I have copius amounts of confidence (and money, otherwise I would not be seeking your outrageously expensive but magical advice)* To answer your questions we go to school together. We have 2 classes together and run into eachother occasionally outside of class. We are very close. We do have a lot of mutual friends. I understand the risks involved, but the emotional fatigue I am plagued with is only getting worse as more and more risk factors for depression pile on.** Thank you again for your help.

Mus. - By crazy ideas I mean I start to think it won't work, etc... and then I move on. Thank you for your help.

Thanks everyone, I think I know what I have to do. But doing it is a whole nother*** animal.

* I am actually a clever scam artist who acts rich to get goods and services and then runs...not really. But I also don't have copius amounts of money, I do however have copius amounts of love.

** An overexaggeration based on my habbit to over think even the littlest things.

*** "whole ntoher" has anyone ever thought about this phrase? Intriguing...

[Mus.]

Dude, you deal with stuff just like me. Let's be BFF.

[Nick Lane]

Cool! I'm glad I'm not the only one. Although I know what I am going to do now, I am going to ask her to play Tennis with me (she was on the school's team). I already mentioned it to her and she said it would be fun. The problem is, before I tell her how I feel, I want to do some more things like that. But Tennis is the only idea I have. Anything else? Doc Love? (Recall that I am a high spendender when it comes to your services)

Thanks,

[Ginafish]

Tell her you need help shopping for a shirt for any make believe event coming in the future. A shirt for Grandma's birthday, a shirt for a concert, etc... a lot of girls like shopping, and 'taking care' of people. Then to say thanks, treat her to lunch or drinks in the shopping center. (Not Dr. Love, advice free and worth every penny)

[Nick Lane]

Thank you, I do like free advice ;-)

The only problem is we live in a rural mountainous region of our state which makes it hard to do something like that. But I thank you still because all ideas are considered, and it may work out somehow anyway.

Thanks,

[PK]

Good luck, Nick! Let us know how things work out.


Fine Print: Dr. Love is in no way affiliated with Isara or any of its sponsors. Dr. Love is not certified to practice therapy in the United States, European Union, or any country with a population of more than 100,000 citizens. Buyer Beware!

[Nick Lane]

Hey there, guys. So, things took a little bit of an unforseen change, but I am hoping to work around it. See, I had planned on taking her to play tennis, buy her a drink, and walk around the lake near the tennis court and then move on to bigger and better things before trying to become more than friends. But it seems like my feelings have been leaked; not only has she been suspecting I like her, but I am pretty sure someone (cool word alert!) blabbed.

So, that pretty much takes away any tennis or lunches or anything else as "just friends" so I figure that if she already knows, what have I got to lose? I might as well just tell her, right? If things go right (which they never seem to) I am hoping to talk to her tomorrow. The problem is, as an actor and a writer, when thinking about what to say I always come up with these big romantic movie-style monologues that can never work in real life. I suppose I'll just have to jump in an "improve it up."

The problem is, everytime I get ready to take the leap, something stops me. I suppose I will need to do what I do before I get on the stage which is: let go of all fear, fear of getting hurt, fear of being foolish, let go of all thought other than the task at hand, and just let it flow. We'll see, and I'll let you know.

Also, any late night advice before I go to bed is appreciated, because once I hit the sheets I won't have access to your opinions until after I either do it or don't do it tomorrow. Thanks!

[Dr. Love]

You seem like a really nice guy, Nick. Which means two things; 1) she'd be crazy not to appreciate your feelings for her and 2) you qualify for my Nice Guy Mail-In coupon* of 10%.

Good luck and be confident. If you don't believe in yourself then she won't either.

The Doctor has left the forum.

*Offer expires April 5th, 2008.

[Nick Lane]

Thank you, Doctor. I plan on cashing in that coupon, too, because I am the biggest idiot in the world. Today I had planned on just telling her everything and then I didn't see her and I got on the bus and she sat in the seat next to me, but so many people were around (including some friends of hers) and I think we should be alone.

I guess there is always Monday...

[Nick Lane]

Hey Doc, I hope I can still cash in that coupon! How is everyone doing? So I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't think the girl I was talking about before has feelings for me, I don't know what to do. I was all ready to talk to her on Friday but she was gone. How's that for irony? Maybe it's a sign.

Anyway, there are a number of girls I have feelings for now (that's not bad, is it?) and a bunch of friends and I (girls and guys) are going to go get lunch and see a movie after school on Thursday. There is one girl in particular who I am just getting to know who I think may like me. If she goes along with us, how should I handle it? How should I handle it if any of them go along? And how should I handle AFTER Thursday.

Thank you everyone!

[Mus.]

I was all ready to talk to her on Friday but she was gone. How's that for irony? Maybe it's a sign.

That's nothing. I've had a thing for this chick at school for like four months. I've never talked to her because, well, I'm me. I don't like talking to people I don't know, especially chicks I like. Even though I think she liked me too at some point. Don't know. Then last Wednesday I figured I'll finally say something to her, if only to get over the whole thing, because it was really starting to annoy me, liking someone I know nothing about and all. Then that exact day I find out she has a boyfriend. That's irony.

How you should handle it? I guess you should like pay extra attention to her if you want her to know you like her, if only by long eyecontacts and stuff. Or if you just wanna make sure she likes you there's that old trick of just ignoring her, that way she should just want you more. I suck though, take my advice with caution.

[Nick Lane]

Thanks Mus., I think we have all been here/there. Anyone else want to weigh in on this? Thursday is fast approaching!

[PK]

Try your hardest to sit near her when eating and while watching the movie. But without it being too obvious or it might become funny to others in the group. Maybe buy some candy at the theater and offer some to everyone, to show your generous side. But make sure she gets more than everyone else. lol

As always, just be yourself and, if your her type, she'll let you know.

Good luck and have fun!

[ZeroG]

If you haven't talked to or got to know these girls who you like from a-far, then it is only their looks which you have to go on. There is a whole lot more to get-to-know. Take the chance to spend some time with any of them. And don't treat that time as the defining moment in your future relations with that girl. Spend time and ask them questions about themselves. Use the answers to decide whether or not you want to know more. You would be surprised how many really hot chicks are down right duds, or game players (not a gamer), or just negative. Sometimes the ones you don't even notice are the ones who can be a life long partner.

Don't treat the encounters like they are the end of the world if they say no. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. There are a ton of girls out there. Funny thing for me, when I stopped looking, they showed up.

[Ginafish]

Can I just say that I am so glad I am not a teenager and scared to death to talk to the opposite sex?

I was scared/nervous/too jittery with hormones at a young age. Like from 7 till 20. But really, as you get older you learn something.

People are people. Even if you think they are beautiful, unapproachable, the most awesomeness, whatever, they are still just people. And to get to know anyone, it's up to you alone if you'll take the first step. And what's the first step? Talk directly to them. Especially their eyes.

Make new friends with the opposite sex the same way you do with other friends. This same advice goes for talking to other people who intimidate you. Old, young, foreign, homeless, kids, etc...

(this life lesson brought to you free, courtesy of a real person with a real opinion who took forever to learn this lesson when she thinks back on her life.)

[ZeroG]

I was so shy, my dad thought I was gay until I told him I was getting married.

[KitKat]

I was so shy, my dad thought I was gay until I told him I was getting married.

 
Mom

[Ginafish]

Um.. I had my first kiss at 18. That says a little bit about how scared/nervous/jittery etc. I was. And no, I wasn't a tease, I just didn't have my first "actually meeting outside of school" boyfriend until 18 either. I was a slow blossom-mer.

[Nick Lane]

Thanks for all the great banter, friends. ZeroG, most of the girls I have known for a long time and it is not just looks I am basing my feelings on, but a few I do not know that well personally. I'll see what happens tomorrow and let you know, because I know how anxious you are to hear about my ridiculous life issues!

[Ginafish]

WELL??

[Nick Lane]

Sorry, I didn't post because NOTHING HAPPENED. None of the girls went at all, because they all had other plans or something. I am thinking though that I might have a good chance with this one. She is nice and pretty and I am getting to know her better and I actually think there is a chance she may like me. Everytime she sees me she says hi and we don't know each other all that well yet. Our school has these improv comedy shows at lunch every few weeks and I am thinking of asking her to go with me to the next one. We'll see...